When I lost my words, I found my voice

When I Lost My Words, I Found My Voice is an audiovisual live performance that uses visual projections, spatial sound design, singing and spoken words as mediums to explore the throat as a physical and symbolic vessel for trauma.

The project draws inspiration from the two artists’ shared psycho-somatic conditions that affect them each in their throat and that have inspired the collaboration in the first place such as hiccups, chronic throat inflammation, throat soreness and fear of public speaking.

Their shared migratory lived experiences dive into the two artists’ rich cultural heritage (Syria, Italy, Netherlands), forming an interest in exploring how the throat as a language port can form a metaphorical link with the diaspora community, a non-linear narrative that explores how far the resonance of one’s throat can reach. It moves through themes of womanhood and intersectional feminism, migration and resettlement, belonging and community, oral history and embodied knowledge, all through storytelling from a feminine gaze.

The project’s visual and sonic elements are inspired by the throat—a soft yet powerful organ that allows breathing, feeding, and vocal expression. The throat houses the vocal cords that allow us to speak, sing, hum, even express orgasm. However, emotions like frustration from inability of self-expression, repressed anger, unexpressed thoughts can manifest physically through psychosomatic conditions, the throat becomes the focal point for these unresolved tensions. Dutch psychologist Bessel van der Kolk in ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ analyses the effects of trauma and PTSD on the physical body, and German doctor Ryke Geerd Hamer developed the The Five Biological Laws of New Medicine, a revolutionary approach of medicine that unravel the intricate connection between the mind, body, and trauma. These studies are fundamental to the understanding of our mind-body-emotions mechanism, and very informative for our research.

Realising that our past experiences deeply affect our body, and that we, although coming by two different backgrounds, share a similar psychosomatic condition was coincidental and surprising, but deeply inspiring.

Deborah grew up in the mountains of Lago D’Orta and came from Italy to study and settle in the Netherlands, and Yara is a former refugee from Syria who for the last two years often spends her time by the Mediterranean Sea. We reflect on the hardships of growing up, maturing, becoming women, shaping our identity, searching that feeling of home and belonging in a foreign place.

This is why the aesthetics and formal inspirations surrounding the project look at our home countries and cultural heritage–Syrian and Italian, which encounter similarities in culture and nature because of their geography and history. The two countries, both touched by the Mediterranean Sea, are historically linked through trade and cultural exchange, sharing a common palette of music, food,
and architecture influenced by the Mediterranean natural environment. Moreover, they have been shaped by the flux of political and social conflict. This historical, ecological and environmental context informs our exploration of migration, diaspora, and how these experiences affect the body, celebrating and honouring the experiences of women, especially immigrant women.